"Charlie"
It is no great secret that it is hard to know how to help many people living without homes. It’s a question I struggle with daily doing what little I manage to pull off with the support of hundreds of donors and a select handful of fantastic financial backers.
I want to share an example with you and, hopefully, learn from the writing process and any thoughts and comments you choose to share.
Charlie
For my example, I’ll use a Hospitality Card user - to put a name to the story, we’ll call them “Charlie” and say they are male on the flip of a coin - who I’ve been working closely with for about 6 months. In that time, we have developed a relatively close relationship, and I think we'd both consider the other a friend. I have helped Charlie and he has helped me, on numerous occasions, serve others in the field using his card, acting as one of our trusted advocates. I frequently receive personal texts and FB messages about his needs as well as about general discussion topics: religion, relationships, fears, successes, goals…anything really. As I do with everybody, I have made it clear that I’m not a trained social worker or psychologist. My goal is simply to be a friend and provide support wherever possible, but this can be much harder than it sounds. Sometimes I am grateful for my lack of training and authority (and associated restrictions and obligations), and other times it seems a hindrance.
In any case, since we’ve begun working together ~6 months ago, I have been fortunate (thanks to the grace of our many donors) to provide $1,224.87 worth of direct services to Charlie, in addition to several clothing and supply donations. The full accounting of what has been provided swells to include: 1 bus ticket, 40 coffees, 1 drivers license, 3 ferry tickets, 1 urine analysis, 5 hotel stays, 1 birth certificate, 16 meals, razors and razor blades, 1 phone, 1 pair of pants, 2 pairs of socks, 1 month of a phone plan, 1 plane ticket, 1 sleeping bag, 7 snacks/drinks, 2 taxi rides, 1 toll, 5 train tickets, and a few expenses that haven't been clearly identified.
I’m laying all this out because I constantly struggle with how to make the biggest positive impact - sometimes even how to make any positive impact. Throughout my experience, the basic principle I have operated under, and I think it’s a good one, is that cultivating a friendship and providing thoughtful but non-judgmental support will create the opportunities required for progress. That premise can certainly be argued against, of course, and it’s hard to let “progress” guide service because it has to be defined by the recipient, not the giver. Leaving it to service providers to define progress is a fundamental, if occasionally necessary, flaw in many other outreach efforts. If for no other reason, it is a flaw simply because it closes more doors than it opens - every time the goals of someone in need do not align within regulations enforced by the script of the resource providers, *click*. So, I try to let Charlie take the lead, as difficult as that can be at times.
I assume that Charlie has traumas he has not trusted me with yet; I make it a point not to pry because my caring does not rely upon his justifying the need; he doesn’t deserve to be unhoused. Frankly, I'm sure I don't want to know everything. Charlie and many others have very difficult histories. I think he also has some mental health challenges, diagnosed or otherwise, that make, in his case specifically, decision-making very challenging. I do know that he has some health history that would certainly negatively impact any human being.
How do I help? How do I know that I’m helping?
Let’s say, for a worst-case scenario (which I am fully confident is not true), that every time Charlie has used the card I gave him, all $1,224.87 worth, he has purchased items for someone else, pocketed cash in return, and used that cash to buy hard drugs. In this horrifying nightmare example, I have still built a relationship with Charlie that could, one day, be his gateway out of his drug- and trauma-induced hell. Is that worth the expense?
Now, for a more realistic, and therefore more concerning, scenario. Say that Charlie lives the rest of his life in the streets, never finding stability, safety, or security, but we struggle through with him to the end. In 6 months, we have spent a bit over $1k on the basics. Extrapolate that over the next 40 years of his life, and we spend $80k on one person, simply keeping him ever so slightly more comfortable as he lives his life in any way he can. Ask a millionaire what $80k is worth to them. Ask an unemployed single mother with three children what $80k is worth to her. This is not as easy to ponder as one might think at first. Ultimately, I have to conclude, for myself, that the time spent over those 40 years with Charlie is, without a doubt, worth $80k and much more. Obviously, I want him housed; my heart needs to see him housed, safe, feeling worthy, but it isn’t about me. It’s about Charlie’s needs and goals. So, if our goals don’t align, it also becomes about sharing humanity and building community.
But then, what if Charlie is not sound of mind? Again, I am not trained, and field diagnoses are notoriously difficult, if not impossible, in most cases, even for those who are. First, it has to be said that anybody that can survive in the streets for any amount of time is both smart and strong; there is simply no other way. But, hypothetically, what if one drug could change Charlie’s decision-making process such that he was suddenly motivated to hold down a job, pay rent, and be “successful” to the eyes of society (however unhealthy that vision might be…)? When asked, I feel obligated to suggest that he make decisions that will lead to more stability. If such a drug existed, I would suggest he take it. Honestly, it would take a lot of pressure off of me to see him housed and comfortable, so it’s not altogether altruistic. But the decision would ultimately be his, whether he is equipped to make that decision or not. One of the goals of this type of outreach is to be there for people when and if they do make that “choice” to stop being homeless. I want to remove the barriers to make that choice possible because without considerable support, it is overwhelming to permanently get off the streets.
I don’t really have any great epiphany to share with you, just a few challenging thoughts. However difficult it is, I deeply appreciate the opportunity to do what I do, even being as unsure as I am of the true impact. My dream is to enable more people to serve in this very personal way and normalize these efforts. I don’t know how scalable this model is, but I’m hoping that we can continue caring for our neighbors personally and directly with many advocates and plenty of resources.